Progressive Writers Bloc

Make a Statement: Eat!

Uncle Bill Warner

Uncle Bill WarnerSee the line extending around the block waiting to get through the front door of Billy-Bob's Pig-Out Barbeque. Seems like every redneck in the state is here to show their support for the owner of the business who said something akin to "Niggers go Back to Africa" on local radio in the sleepy Southern town of Possum Hollow, Mississippi. That is the way rednecks show support for ideas in our consumer society. They eat!

National media picked up on this novel type of racist display of affection for sentiments held by many closet Klansters who would never be caught dead voicing their opinions on a soapbox in the once-segregated Jefferson Davis Memorial Park. Eat your way back to the slave days when uppity niggers knew their place! That's the politically-correct way for the 21st. Century Patriot.

This phenomenon of protesting through eating is catching on. In Fresno, people stood for hours in the hot sun in support of anti-gay marriage remarks by the good church-going owner of their local speedy-chicken eatery. It was hard to tell what the exact impact of this sudden rush to eat dead-bird parts would have on candidates for Congress courting the Bible-thumper vote. It sure as hell cost them the business of the gay community!

Both Billy-Bob's and Chomp-a-Chicken for Jesus are part of a growing national movement: the anti-boycott. Now it is true that many people with more progressive views refuse to eat at the upscale Red Dead Snapper. That is because to the restaurant's propensity to stuff the campaign coffers of the national RFP. ( Rich Folks Party.) We seem to be using food as a weapon. Boycott is such a nasty word, but we do it without thinking. The Chomp-a-Chicken folks have a more civilized approach.

Now if I was starting a restaurant, and wanted to attract a large clientele, the very first thing I would do is come out with some vitriol that would appeal to the hidden prejudices people have. After all, they spend a lot of money eating out at cheap, low quality places like mine, and there is a lot of competition for their bucks. All they need to know is that eating dead birds or chopped-up pigs makes a statement. Sets will set your place apart from all the namby-pamby " we don't care about your politics" chains.

Knowing all of the anti-immigrant feelings in my town, and knowing that the "Send-'em- back-where -they-came-from" crowd spends a LOT of money stuffing in their food at quick-serve All-American eating joints, I would proudly display a huge "No shoes-no shirt-no green card-no service" sign in the window and sit back and wait for the line to form. If hating people can't show you prejudice openly, they can sure do it by crowding mediocre fast-food factories! It is the American Way. "One nation, divisable, with liberty and justice for some..." Eat for equality...or something else...

So, fellow Americans, enrich your friends, stiff your enemies! Start today! Drive to Fresno if you have to. Eat! Eat! Eat!

Uncle Bill Warner

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